His, hers, or ours

When God said in Genesis 2:24, “They shall become one flesh,” He was not just talking about the physical sense. God created marriage as the highest, most honored, most intimate of all human relationships. As such, the husband-wife relationship takes precedence over all blood-kin ties.

Spiritual reflection
God almost always puts opposite personality types together in a marriage, not to frustrate them, but to allow the strengths of each spouse to balance the weaknesses of the other.

However, it is not easy to see beyond the differences and begin working toward common goals as a team.

In the New Testament, Jesus draws an interesting parallel between the way people handle money and the way they handle spiritual matters.

In fact, the way people handle money very well could be the best outside reflection of their true inner values. “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21). God uses money in the lives of any couple to draw them closer together.

In contrast, Satan wants to drive a wedge between a husband and wife. Why? In hopes that the resultant turmoil will drive them away from God.

Ours not mine
In a marriage, there is no “my money” and “your money” or “my debts” and “your debts.” There is only our money and our debts.

A couple cannot be one if they separate their lives by separating their finances.

God will bring a couple closer if, from the very beginning, they establish God's Word as their financial guide and then follow those principles.

A marriage is not a 50/50 relationship, as many people think. It is a 95/5 relationship on both sides.

Each must be willing to yield 95 percent of their rights to their spouses. If they are not willing to do that, it will not work.

No viable marriage can survive a "his or her" relationship for long, because it is totally contrary to God's plan.

Couples should avoid having separate financial anything, including checking accounts, because when they develop a his money/her money philosophy, it usually leads to a him-versus-her mentality.

Unwillingness to join all assets and bank accounts after marriage is perhaps a danger signal that unresolved trust issues could still be lingering or developing in the relationship.

Budgeting
Budgeting can be difficult, if not impossible, when spouses do not agree on basic money management principles. Therefore, they should make all budgeting decisions together.

They also need to agree to hold each other accountable for meeting their financial goals, and devise a plan for regular evaluation of how well they are succeeding.

The couple should come to an agreement on the amount of money that can be spent without first checking with each other. The specific amount will depend on the budget category and the couple's particular circumstances. “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

Bookkeeping
Practically speaking, only one person should keep the books.

Even though one person primarily handles balancing the checkbook, both should be fully trained and able to do it.

There is nothing wrong with the wife handling the finances in the family if she is the better administrator, but God still holds the husband accountable for the ultimate decisions.

When there is an impasse, the wife must yield to her husband and allow the Lord to work it out. As they work together, encouraging one another, God will show them His favor and grace.

Nevertheless, being responsible as the leader does not mean the husband is a dictator; the couple should discuss and agree on financial management.

Both spouses should be involved in paying the monthly bills. Doing so will keep both fully aware of their financial status.

January 18, 2005

by Crown Financial Ministries

A Remarkable Quote on Marriage

Here is a thought from John MacArthur that I found in a book I'm reading:

"No person deserves salvation, forgiveness, and a place in God’s kingdom, but Christ made the greatest sacrifice for the most unworthy people. The contrast is incredible: An absolutely holy, righteous God made the greatest, most magnanimous sacrifice for the vilest of all people. Husbands, don’t tell me about your wife’s problems that make it hard to love her – you’re not far removed from your wife as God was from sinners, yet He loved you. Your wife may be a sinner, but so are you. Don’t lose that perspective. "

He goes on to say,

"Men who explain away their difficult marriages by claiming they no longer love their wives are being disobedient to God’s command."

Taken from Devine Design by John MacArthur

How to Communicate With Your Spouse About Money

The Truth About Money and Relationships

Myth: My spouse and I shouldn't talk about money because it only leads to fights.

Truth: You can't have a great relationship until you can communicate and agree about money.

Larry Burkett, noted financial author, says, "Money is either the best or the worst area of communication in our marriages." After years as a financial counselor and working with marriage counselors, I know that money and money fights are the #1 cause of divorce, not to mention the thing we fight about the most.

So if you are married and have money fights, you are normal. But if this is a real problem area for you, there is also an opportunity to improve your relationship and maybe even reach agreement with your spouse. I'm not talking about agreement brought on by surrender, but rather by each person getting a vote, understanding the other's view, and finding common ground.

Let's face it - if we can agree on the checkbook, there would be nothing left to fight about except who gets the remote. But there is so much to fight about and so many opportunities to be misunderstood.

Men and Women are Different
When it comes to money, men tend to take more risks and don't save for emergencies. Men use money as a scorecard and can struggle with self-esteem when there are financial problems. Women tend to see money more as a security issue, so they will gravitate toward the rainy-day fund. Because of their need for security, ladies can have a level of fear - my wife, Sharon, calls it terror - when there are financial problems.

Men and women are different in how they view money, and it is largely because they process problems and opportunities from different vantage points. On top of the fact that men and women are different, opposites attract. So what does that mean?

It means that chances are, if you're married, one of you is good at working numbers (the nerd) and the other one isn't good at working numbers (the free spirit). That isn't the real problem. The problem is when the nerd neglects the input of the free spirit or when the free spirit avoids participating in the financial dealings altogether.

Marriage is a Partnership
Marriage is a partnership. The preacher said, "And now you are ONE." Both parties need to be involved in the finances. Separating the finances and splitting the bills is a bad idea. Listen up, nerds. Don't keep the finances all to yourself. Don't use your "power" to abuse the free spirit.

Free spirits, don't just nod your head and say, "Yeah, that looks great, honey." You have a vote in the budget committee meetings, too. Give feedback, criticism and encouragement. Work on the budget together!"

But what if my spouse won't get on board with me?" many of you wonder. It is tough, but with patience and kindness your spouse will eventually see the light (don't beat them over the head with the need for a budget, and please don't subject your spouse to a lecture of "Dave Says").

As you work on your finances together, you will begin to change your family tree. One of your main goals in your marriage should be to pass a legacy down to your children and grandchildren.