How to Communicate With Your Spouse About Money

The Truth About Money and Relationships

Myth: My spouse and I shouldn't talk about money because it only leads to fights.

Truth: You can't have a great relationship until you can communicate and agree about money.

Larry Burkett, noted financial author, says, "Money is either the best or the worst area of communication in our marriages." After years as a financial counselor and working with marriage counselors, I know that money and money fights are the #1 cause of divorce, not to mention the thing we fight about the most.

So if you are married and have money fights, you are normal. But if this is a real problem area for you, there is also an opportunity to improve your relationship and maybe even reach agreement with your spouse. I'm not talking about agreement brought on by surrender, but rather by each person getting a vote, understanding the other's view, and finding common ground.

Let's face it - if we can agree on the checkbook, there would be nothing left to fight about except who gets the remote. But there is so much to fight about and so many opportunities to be misunderstood.

Men and Women are Different
When it comes to money, men tend to take more risks and don't save for emergencies. Men use money as a scorecard and can struggle with self-esteem when there are financial problems. Women tend to see money more as a security issue, so they will gravitate toward the rainy-day fund. Because of their need for security, ladies can have a level of fear - my wife, Sharon, calls it terror - when there are financial problems.

Men and women are different in how they view money, and it is largely because they process problems and opportunities from different vantage points. On top of the fact that men and women are different, opposites attract. So what does that mean?

It means that chances are, if you're married, one of you is good at working numbers (the nerd) and the other one isn't good at working numbers (the free spirit). That isn't the real problem. The problem is when the nerd neglects the input of the free spirit or when the free spirit avoids participating in the financial dealings altogether.

Marriage is a Partnership
Marriage is a partnership. The preacher said, "And now you are ONE." Both parties need to be involved in the finances. Separating the finances and splitting the bills is a bad idea. Listen up, nerds. Don't keep the finances all to yourself. Don't use your "power" to abuse the free spirit.

Free spirits, don't just nod your head and say, "Yeah, that looks great, honey." You have a vote in the budget committee meetings, too. Give feedback, criticism and encouragement. Work on the budget together!"

But what if my spouse won't get on board with me?" many of you wonder. It is tough, but with patience and kindness your spouse will eventually see the light (don't beat them over the head with the need for a budget, and please don't subject your spouse to a lecture of "Dave Says").

As you work on your finances together, you will begin to change your family tree. One of your main goals in your marriage should be to pass a legacy down to your children and grandchildren.

A ReMarkable Photo

A Christmas Ornament on our tree!

The Truth About Credit Card Debt

Myth: Aren't there positive uses of a credit card? Like rebates and airline miles?
Truth: Responsible use of a credit card does not exist. Credit card debt is a major problem in America.

There is NO positive side to credit card use. You will spend more if you use credit cards. Even by paying the bills on time, you are not beating the system! But most families don't pay on time. The average family today carries $8,000 in credit card debt according to the American Bankers' Association.

Now let's talk about the rebates. If you were using a credit card at 5%, you would have had to have spent $80,000 to get $4,000 rebates on new cars that lost $6,000 of value when you drove them off the lot. That is not a good deal!

Cash vs. Credit Cards
When you pay cash, you can "feel" the money leaving you. This is not true with credit cards. Flipping a credit card up on a counter registers nothing emotionally. If you use credit cards instead of cash you will spend 12-18% more. This is money you could have saved.

If you "have to" use plastic, I suggest a debit card. I use them for travel and the occasional convenience of ordering something over the Internet or phone. Other than that, I use cash.

Personal finance is 80% behavior. You need to cut out habits that make you spend more. You do not build wealth with credit cards. Use common sense. When you play with a multi-billion dollar industry and you think you're going to win at their game, you are naive. You cannot beat the credit card companies.

Taken from daveramsey.com

A Remarkable Poem

We The People

We the people
Would rather point a finger
Than lend a helping hand.
We the people
Would rather push
Than hug someone.
We the people
Would rather fight
Than to forgive.
We the people
Would rather make money
Than to make great friends.
We the people
Would rather sleep in
Than attend a church.
We the people
Need to change.


2004 Mark Edward Leslie July 4, 2004

Parental Warning: Golden Compass Movie

Parental Warning: Hollywood's Golden Compass cause for concern

The Golden Compass is a film from New Line Cinema based on the first book of a series, His Dark Materials, written by English atheist Philip Pullman. It is set to release December 7 in theaters nationwide. From watching the trailer, it's easy to see that the film has a C. S. Lewis/Narnia feel to it, but don't be deceived.

Pullman's book trilogy is the story of "a battle against the church and a fight to overthrow God," BBC News reported. The Guardian, a British newspaper, goes even further to describe the books as "metaphysical fantasies encompassing parallel worlds, the death of God and the fall of man ...."

"I don't know whether there's a God or not. Nobody does, no matter what they say," Pullman said in an interview posted on his website.

"One of the [book] series' main themes -- the rejection of organized religion and in particular the abuse of power within the Catholic Church -- is to be watered down," according to the Telegraph, a newspaper in the U.K. "But when the film is released in December the Magisterium will be shown as a critique of all dogmatic organizations, thereby avoiding a religious backlash."

Therefore, without yet seeing the film, OneMillionMoms.com and OneMillionDads.com is alerting Christians to the potential dangers of The Golden Compass. Because of Pullman's clearly articulated anti-Christian motives, we are warning all movie-goers to avoid the film.

The Most Important Principle: Contentment

The Most Important Principle
by Dave Ramsey

We have become very well known for teaching people how to get out of debt, save money, get on a budget, and even teaching them about insurance and investments. We are very thankful for the response we’ve had to these concepts, but there is another financial concept which is the hinge pin on which the door of successful personal finance swings.

I have only begun to realize the full significance of this concept during the last year or so. When you understand this concept, all the other concepts work. Until you implement it, none of them will work. When you stick this concept deep in your soul, it becomes easy to save money, even have money to invest.

Getting out of debt happens fast once you learn how to apply this concept in your life. Budgeting is made easier and your marriage or relationships regarding money are freed up and made smooth. This concept is the most important financial concept: contentment. That’s right, contentment.

Contentment brings peace. Not apathy. Not the deadhead fog of Prozac or Valium. Only contentment brings peace. We live in the most marketed-to society in the history of the world and the very essence of marketing is to disturb your peace. We say things to ourselves like, “I’ll be happy when I get that boat” or "I’ll be happy when I get that china cabinet” or “I’ll be happy when I get that house.”

Or, or, or, or!!! NOT TRUE. Happiness is sold to us as an event or a thing and our finances have suffered. Fun can be bought with money, but happiness cannot. We live among a bunch of people who are deeply in debt and have no money saved because their emotions were tricked.

Just like the drug addict, people have been conned into believing that happiness will come with the next purchase. So, Daddy works hundreds of overtime hours and Mommy works forty-plus hours (or more) a week, all in the name of STUFF.

You probably think I am writing about someone else, but I’m not. I am writing about you. I know because I suffer from the same disease, but I am recovering and so are many of you. The human spirit was not created to attain peace, contentment, or fulfillment by gathering more stuff.

You can get out of debt, save money and get on a budget; but until your intellect forces your emotions and your spirit to accept that STUFF does not equal CONTENTMENT, your finances will always feel stressed.

At our office we counsel every week with folks who are making $25,000 a year as well as folks making $250,000 per year. These people share a common problem, they all suffer from some level of “stuffitis,” the worship of stuff. Change your focus and change your life for the better.

Bills, Budgets, and More

This week Phoebe and I started Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University with a small group at church . We are excited about it, but also nervous to see what all we learn about ourselves. More pressure is on us since we are the ones that worked to get the class offered and I am leading the group.

We are blessed to have what we have, but I believe that we would be even more blessed if we managed what we have better.

I read Dave's book in December. He has a tough plan if followed. We hope to do better than what we currently are.

On average, out of all couples that attend his class save $2700 and pay $5300 in debts during the 13 week class period.

I'll keep posting our progress...

Local Firework Finale

ASU Needs A New Mascot

Arkansas State University is losing its mascot. The Indian name is going way after 78 years. Starting next year with football season ASU will have a new mascot.

No one knows yet what that will be. The university wants to hire a outside firm to select a name for them. On the other hand locals feel that it's their right.

A local radio station is giving those people a chance to have their voices heard and win $1000 in the process.

If you think you have a great mascot idea go here and enter their contest. If you win, just make sure and send me my cut for helping.

ELI IS HERE!!!

ELI IS HERE!

CLICK HERE FOR PICTURES!

FREE Rootbeer Floats at Sonic

More news to pass on. Sonic is giving away free rootbeer floats. It all happens on June 7th from 8pm - Midnight.

Drive up, press the red button, and order your free float. There's no catch.

Can't beat that.

Coming Soon: Biblical Action Figures

The original maker of G.I. Joe is at work again. This time he is creating a Biblical Action Figure line. The new toy line will be called "Almighty Heroes."

The creator, Don Levine says, "It is my desire that these inspirational action figures and fashion dolls create excitement for kids,” explained Levine, in a statement, “and develop their interest in the characters and messages of the Bible."

You can read more at the Christian Post.

Outsourcing Drive-throughs?

I resently read an article about Wendy's. In order to cut cost and customer complaints, they are outsourcing several of their drive-throughs. You can read the entire article here.

I thought it was strange and wanted to share.

$$ Baskin Robbins 31 Cent Scoop Night $$

On May 2nd, Baskin Robbins will be offering scoops for only $0.31. It is a great deal and for a good cause. See more on their site.

I hope you enjoyed this Mark's Remarks Frugal Moment.

Online Shopping Tips

I'm known for my frugal ways and get asked for advice all the time. I thought I would share a few things I've discovered about shopping online.

PriceGrabber.com
A little over a year ago we were shopping for a camera. We found a Kodak we liked at Wal-Mart. I used Pricegrabber and saved $100 over Wal-Mart's low price. We received free shipping and no taxes.

PriceGrabber is a search tool that will search the web for you and find the best prices. You can also ener your Zip Code and it will include the shipping as well. We will try Pricegrabber for everything just to make sure there's not a better deal.

Half.com & Ebay
I have been using these two sites for years. I started with Half.com in 1998 selling books. You can find good deals and shipping isn't too bad. Ebay bought Half in 2003 and I started using Ebay more. Ebay is a great way to make extra cash. You can get some deals too but you have to be careful when it comes to shipping. Some sellers charge way too much for shipping.

Online Discounts
One things I have learned over the years is that everyone is always having a sale. Before I check out at any online site, I will search for a Discount Code. You can use any search engine, but I always stick with Yahoo and Google. Just last week we saved 10% by searching for a Target Discount Code. These codes are out there for many different places. Give it try.

Buy.com
When it comes to Computers and Electronics, I like Buy.com. They always have deals on software, memory, and accessories. I recommend that you sign up for their Best Deals Alert. They will send you an email once a week with their sales. I take advantage of their great prices and rebates. I buy a lot here and resale on Ebay.

Frugal Living Journal
I recently found this site. They have been sharing great information. You should check it out for great saving and financial ideas. I have added the link to my side bar for future linking.

I hope this will save you a little cash over time. I would love to get your feedback. Let me know if these help you or other saving tips that you have.

Funny Ways to Save Money

You know me, always looking for more ways to save. How about trying some of these! I came across these here.

Funny Ways to Save Money

- Unplug your clocks at night to save on electricity.

- Carry powdered drink mix and add it to water when eating out, to save on buying drinks.

- Eat dog food. (Dry dog food tastes much better than canned)

- Tell everyone you'll be out of town for Christmas, so you can shop the after-Christmas sales for presents.

- Ask your friends to save the labels for you off any new products they buy, so you can put them on your thrift-store purchases when you are buying gifts.

- Run around the house and close the heater vents in all the rooms except your bedroom before going to sleep.

- Encourage mice in the house by leaving crumbs around - so your cat will have a free food supply.

- Learn speed-reading and read books for free while in the aisle at the book store.

- Leave everything in the same place in your house, so you can easily get around at night without turning the lights on.

- Bring back rolls of coins from Canada, to use at the laundromat and in pop machines, saving you 20% or more, depending on the exchange rate.

Flowers From San Diego's Balboa Park

California Sunset ~ Our First Night

From the rising of the sun to its going down the Lord’s name is to be praised.

Psalm 113:3

Easter Celebration

Now after the Sabbath, as the first day of the week began to dawn, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to see the tomb. And behold, there was a great earthquake; for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat on it. His countenance was like lightning, and his clothing as white as snow. And the guards shook for fear of him, and became like dead men. But the angel answered and said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here for He is risen, as He said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay. ~Matthew 28:1-6~

Why this scientist believes in God

Taken from CNN.com:

Editor's note: Francis S. Collins, M.D., Ph.D., is the director of the National Human Genome Research Institute. His most recent book is "The Language of God: A Scientist Presents Evidence for Belief."


ROCKVILLE, Maryland (CNN) -- I am a scientist and a believer, and I find no conflict between those world views.

As the director of the Human Genome Project, I have led a consortium of scientists to read out the 3.1 billion letters of the human genome, our own DNA instruction book. As a believer, I see DNA, the information molecule of all living things, as God's language, and the elegance and complexity of our own bodies and the rest of nature as a reflection of God's plan.

I did not always embrace these perspectives. As a graduate student in physical chemistry in the 1970s, I was an atheist, finding no reason to postulate the existence of any truths outside of mathematics, physics and chemistry. But then I went to medical school, and encountered life and death issues at the bedsides of my patients. Challenged by one of those patients, who asked "What do you believe, doctor?", I began searching for answers.

I had to admit that the science I loved so much was powerless to answer questions such as "What is the meaning of life?" "Why am I here?" "Why does mathematics work, anyway?" "If the universe had a beginning, who created it?" "Why are the physical constants in the universe so finely tuned to allow the possibility of complex life forms?" "Why do humans have a moral sense?" "What happens after we die?" (Watch Francis Collins discuss how he came to believe in God )

I had always assumed that faith was based on purely emotional and irrational arguments, and was astounded to discover, initially in the writings of the Oxford scholar C.S. Lewis and subsequently from many other sources, that one could build a very strong case for the plausibility of the existence of God on purely rational grounds. My earlier atheist's assertion that "I know there is no God" emerged as the least defensible. As the British writer G.K. Chesterton famously remarked, "Atheism is the most daring of all dogmas, for it is the assertion of a universal negative."

But reason alone cannot prove the existence of God. Faith is reason plus revelation, and the revelation part requires one to think with the spirit as well as with the mind. You have to hear the music, not just read the notes on the page. Ultimately, a leap of faith is required.

For me, that leap came in my 27th year, after a search to learn more about God's character led me to the person of Jesus Christ. Here was a person with remarkably strong historical evidence of his life, who made astounding statements about loving your neighbor, and whose claims about being God's son seemed to demand a decision about whether he was deluded or the real thing. After resisting for nearly two years, I found it impossible to go on living in such a state of uncertainty, and I became a follower of Jesus.

So, some have asked, doesn't your brain explode? Can you both pursue an understanding of how life works using the tools of genetics and molecular biology, and worship a creator God? Aren't evolution and faith in God incompatible? Can a scientist believe in miracles like the resurrection?

Actually, I find no conflict here, and neither apparently do the 40 percent of working scientists who claim to be believers. Yes, evolution by descent from a common ancestor is clearly true. If there was any lingering doubt about the evidence from the fossil record, the study of DNA provides the strongest possible proof of our relatedness to all other living things.

But why couldn't this be God's plan for creation? True, this is incompatible with an ultra-literal interpretation of Genesis, but long before Darwin, there were many thoughtful interpreters like St. Augustine, who found it impossible to be exactly sure what the meaning of that amazing creation story was supposed to be. So attaching oneself to such literal interpretations in the face of compelling scientific evidence pointing to the ancient age of Earth and the relatedness of living things by evolution seems neither wise nor necessary for the believer.

I have found there is a wonderful harmony in the complementary truths of science and faith. The God of the Bible is also the God of the genome. God can be found in the cathedral or in the laboratory. By investigating God's majestic and awesome creation, science can actually be a means of worship.